Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how insurmountable, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you.
Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little.. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
before marriage & after marriage.
1. It was during football season.
2. I didn't forget. I just had all of the department stores,
florists and bakeries shut down in tribute.
3. Well, I guess that makes us even, you forgot to pick up my laundry!
4. Spouse? Man, I gotta quit drinking tequila.
5. Remind her how you accidentally sent her flowers on your
girlfriend's birthday.
6. Interminable delay at divorce lawyer's office.
7. Syphilis you got from call girl has addled your brain.
8. Concerned so many candles on the cake would burn the house down.
"Take a bunch of flowers home for your wife, sir," urged the street vendor.
"I haven't got a wife," replied the young man.
"Then buy a bunch for your sweetheart."
"I don't have a sweetheart, either."
"Well then, buy a couple of bunches to celebrate your luck."
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Actually, should the truth be known, there are a lot of good ways to "handle" a woman. Unfortunately, not a man alive knows any of them.
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights; and so does she.
This yuppie couple in Columbia, Maryland started their own computer business and for a while did really well. Then business started dropping off. During a heated spat over finances the husband said, "Well, if you'd learn to cook and were willing to clean this place, we could fire the maid." The wife, fuming, shot back, "Oh Yeah??? Well, if you'd learn how to make love, we could fire the chauffeur AND the gardener."
Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and Father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.
We have a young couple in the neighborhood who are truly inseparable. Last week, it took four Howard County Policemen and a dog.
According to the latest surveys, when making love, most married men fantasize that their wives aren't fantasizing.
Did any of you other married guys out there ever wonder whether it's better to have loved and lost, than to have loved and won?